Crush

Originally Published on Instagram, 2025

i like that it’s called a crush.

what else would you name this delusion that flattens your mind and refuses to let you know peace? what else would you name something that presses into you from all sides until you can no longer breathe? something that dominates every single thought you have until it bleeds warmly into your subconscious. softly into your dreams.

i think of him often.

i encounter couples holding hands in public and i wonder what his fingers would feel like interlocked in my own. i imagine them to be warm and soft, his skin feeling like home against mine. would his grip be as loose as mine? idle and relaxed? or would he cling onto me tightly, not wanting our bodies to be apart, even for a second?

my television shows me scenes of people kissing and i wonder what his lips taste like. i imagine them to be warm and soft, his breath feeling like light after a century of darkness. would his mouth be as hungry for me as mine is for him? desperate and urgent? or would he take his time assuredly, reminding me that we have a hundred years more to map each other’s bodies?

my headphones paint me images of matrimony and i wonder what we would be like as husbands. i imagine our home to be warm and soft, love spilling out of every opening and crashing around every corner. would his words for me be as tender as mine are for him? or would they be funny, pushing laughter out of my lungs until my stomach hurt and my eyes watered?

i like that it’s called a crush. 

i think of him always.